Damage

I don't have the control now. I can't really do much. I mean, I can, but really I can't. I can just piece back what I ruined, face it, hope for the best and go from there on. But, honestly, I'm not suave. I'm not good at this. I'm awkward.

The effort isn't enough. In fact, it has caused some bad damages. I don't know what to do from here. I'll try again when I'm back in LA.

Winter Wonderland

It's Xmas eve. It's almost a new year. I'm almost 18. I need to step it up, in many aspects.
I've come to thinking, I need a legit list of resolutions:

1. Accept my family with all of its imperfections, frustrations, traditions, etc.
2. Prioritize my studies above all. Stay ahead and no more slacking.
3. Assert myself and the things I want. No more missed opportunities.
4. Strengthen relationships with family, friends, God, romance, etc.
5. Consecrate the year to the Lord. Bible reading, fellowship, etc.
6. Leave behind all regrets, doubts, fears and start acting upon them.
7. Complete this in all fun, satisfaction and pride.

Nothing else matters

God gives me the strength
to get through the rough, patchy day.
God gives the power
to overcome my sins away.
God is my everything
In all the things I say or do
He is my Savior, Brother and Love.

All these sorrow, worries and defeats
are nothing but temporary
They don't mean anything
cause He is my God.
He is my Comfort, Peace and Love.

Nothing else matters
my woes, pains or trials
He is always there for me
whenever I turn to the above
He never fails
to comfort, stregthen me
He is my Victory, Friend, and Love.

I've "composed" very quickly and out of initial feelings to a hymnal I truly cherish every time I'm in my trials. I'm in no particular trial regarding college, but I still need His comforting. The hymnal is amazing: "God hath not promise skies always blue." I'm really thankful for the Lord's blessing, his unfailing sympathy and undying love. I can always come back to him even though I've strayed away.

This is.

I've been listening to wayy toooo much acoustic originals. It's got me expressing things on poetry. I'm new, so don't judge.
I spent Thanksgiving here in LA! In my dorm. It's a little lonely, but, I can survive.

This is
28 Nov 2008

This is when I reveal my secrets
The feeling I’ve hidden for you
A simple crush, I thought it was.

This is when I close my eyes
And when I open them
You stand in front of me
And we don’t say any words,
We just look into our eyes
And our hearts beat fast.

This is my regret
Cause it might be too late
We’ve gone our ways
We’re miles away, you’ve moved on.

But this is me still waiting.
Hoping faith would give me a chance.


JE. Off to acoustic rapture.

The Mystery

We never bother to grasp the concept behind a mystery. We plainly accept it and leave it alone.
But hallelujah for God's mystery!

Day by day, bit by bit. Pray yourself into God. He will slowly unveil these mysteries: Christ and the church.
I pray that this be my experience.

Superstar

"Superstar", Lupe Fiasco

I'm on a roll. I can definitely say I received good marks on all of my midterms. Even before the curves, I'm more than satisfied. It's relieving to know I'm on top of things. Management and motivation.

I'm not too sure if I should be happy in how I'm turning out here. I've changed. I've noticed that I'm more contained. I like contemplating and thinking to myself. I sat under the moon (no stars) for 30 minutes a little past midnight. I felt so...filtered? No overburdening stress. I really like this light feeling. But, I'm no longer the social.

I've set a goal of finishing both the Old Testament and the New Testament before the end of the school year. I just might be able to attain this with my daily ritual. In fact, I'm off to read my bible after I shower after this post.

Tonight was Hedrick open mic night. Hillary performed. It was really entertaining and a relieving sidetrack from homework. It makes me jealous that every plays the guitar here. I really want to continue learning. I need a guitar first though. I'm saving up to buy one. I haven't spent money in such a long time. But I have no source of income, so therefore, I save nothing.

My back is completely aching. I have to hold a slumped posture to feel less pain. I disclosed this to a couple of people and was not taken seriously. It really bothered me. I can't complain, just gotta suck it up.

Oh, winter,
John.

PS. I'm shaving my hair possibly this weekend or next.

Strictly academics

This post will bore you. It's me trying to rationalize my educational path since I'm still confused.
I'm pretty much sticking with Phy Sci as my major. Only of I am able to do it. The ultimate pre-med track here. Harsh competition.
I still have to have a Plan B in case this doesn't work out. Psychobio? Biology? I can't imagine myself going outside of science.

I'm debating on whether double majoring in Spanish (difficult to what I'm already burdened with) or minoring in it. Probably the latter. Also, I've searched the summer abroad program that I'm really interested in, but most of the courses I will receive units in are not GE courses. And the expensive cost, of course, has to be taken into account.

I have priority scheduling next quarter and I have to make use of it wisely. Life Science for major or Spanish for minor?
I'm also looking into workshops to take such as MCAT and Medschool info, College honors, etc.

Am I crazy? This is a little too far-fetched. Impossible, to be frank.
Input, please.


Fall back,
John

Don't stress, don't stress.

It has all changed, I feel. I don't know how/what to feel about all of this. The distance, independence, decisions, failure. I'm too scared to tackle life on my own. I need focus. I need to piece this all together. I need to consider all of what is happening, happened and will happen is under God's sovereignty. I need to push through.

On a side note, I need some suggestions for stress relief. My floor has put on several activities that calms me and takes me away from all the pressures. Painting (the PI flag), Halloween decorating, Signs, Poker, Cookie Decorating. But, ultimately... it's not enough. I started to read my bible (goal of finishing the whole thing by end of school year) and absolutely lost my face and pride. I don't know why I never got back/set a schedule to read it.

I went vegetarian for a week. A WEEK, 7 DAYS, MILLIONS OF HOURS. not millions. I never imagined pulling that off. I'm not vegetarian this week. I will be next week. Every other week perhaps?

My router or internet source thing in my room isn't functioning. This leaves me working on my computer in the lounge. I guess this is a good thing. I need to be better motivated.

I donated blood. I save lives.

I've been so over-prided about my culture. I'm glad to be Filipino and Filipino-American. Double perspective. It's great to live in such a diverse place, but it's even more amazing finding people with the same situations regarding cultural identity. I've never been this proud. This explains why I painted a Philippine flag.

Guitar Hero

I'm learning how to play the guitar. I asked Hillary (Jen's roomie) to help me instead of paying for expensive classes. I want a guitar. I rock/wall-climbed. It's such a high. I think we are coming back for the third time tomorrow. I went clubbing, trying to get in with a fake ID, but ended up slipping in some money to the bouncer. I found my niche, volunteering tuesday and wednesday and immersing myself with filipino culture.

On top of all that, I am ahead of the game, on top of my studies, reading, papers, assignments. So far, perfect scores on all assignments. I feel proud of myself. But it all comes down to my first quiz tomorrow and upcoming midterms.

Oh, and I'm donating blood in two weeks.

I'm sleeping early tonight, JP.

Lesson Learned

Scratch what was said in the former post. Everyday is what you make it to be. I choose to halt this routine. I'm loving this independence. It really shows who I am, from the decisions I make with my time.

I need to branch out. Venture out for new things, new activities. I'm too timid.

This puts me on the topic of girls. My mentor from this program was telling me to just introduce myself to everyone and anyone, especially those who appeal to me. No feeding around bushes and being all shy. Take it like I mean it. I might just take this advice.

I lied, maybe. I can't. I have to give him an update during our meeting in 2 weeks. He won't be proud.

I just can't sleep. I try to sleep early every night, lets say between 10:30 and 12:30, but it never works out. I got up and had a frustrating talk with my mother while eating an asian-style salad.

I'm just sailing by classes. I need to put in all the effort.

Freshman 15/23 update: +2 pounds. I'm losing my abs muscles.

Beyond,
JP


ps. no image, sorry. Too dark in the room.

System Overload

It's all becoming a routine now. A tedious, never ending one. I'm hoping to add a couple of things to mix it up a little. Fellowship, workout/martial arts, mentorship. But so damn much reading. I'm only behind 30 pages and I'm already stressing out. I need to be on top of things. I won't let it slip away. Other than that, college is great. (especially...the food! ranked 12th baby!)

I think I'm way over trying the new things and just sticking to what I know/familiar with. It was fun, for the ride. But it's over now. Maybe? i don't know. Give me anything other than a routine. Tomorrow's a new day.

As I type this entry, Kanye's "Love Lockdown" plays in my head and somehow works it way into what I'm writing.

To the Egyptian pyramids,
JP.

Wake it up

I'm going to a football game tomorrow. I will be doing laundry tomorrow, possibly. I need to read for Art History (and enroll in Honors section). I feel confident in the skills/knowledge I acquired from AP Art History. Chemistry scares me. I need to do some practices. I fell asleep doing math lecture. Vicky visits in a few minutes. I booked my flight for winter break. I might have to stay here for Thanksgiving due expensive costs. I need to check out the gym and inquire about Capoeira classes. I need to find an on-campus job.

Shawwwty, I can't believe it,
jpeeezy.

Officially

First day of class: chemistry discussion-cancelled. The only class of the day. I was a little disappointed, to be honest. Sadly, I felt like attending class to consumate my move-in here at LA. Tomorrow's the real deal, three classes: Art History, Chem, Math. I began flipping through pages of course readers and textbooks to glance at the material, and I'm a bit scared now. Seriously, I don't remember much of high school chem.

I feel so behind with the classes I'm taking. No exemptions from passing all of my AP tests. All a waste. And you label me Sophomore standing. Please.

I really need to check out fellowship and the deal.

Chilling is over, here we go again,
JP

Alone

I sit here alone in an empty lounge, looking out the window with the sun beating heavily upon my forehead. I'm not complaining. Maybe a little since I can't see my screen. But I kind of like it. The lifestyle. I feel free to do whatever I want. And for now, I want to sit here and not worry about anything. That was an update... for those who needed/wanted it.

I've pigged out everyday and every meal I've eaten here. I won't be surprise if I gain 15 pounds by the end of the year. I want to gain weight, for goodness sakes. I eat and eat like crazy, but I'm still a little twig. It just looks disgusting that I;m skinny and I have protruding muscles (mainly from wrestling). So, please, food and metabolism, please work with me here. It's the only thing i ask of you. On the plus side, I've been consuming water like crazy! I blame the tempting nalgene bottle I bought that has a label of "UCLA BRUINS". I seriously rushed to the bathroom yesterday 7 times, all in between some activity. I just refilled my bottle before I blogged and now it's half empty.

It's Sunday. I don't know what to do. I should go to church, but I haven't contacted people to inquire about meeting hall/fellowship.

I'm off to lunch, but I will be back. BRUINBASH tonight!

It's all new to me

I'm off to a good start here. Let's hope the same for the academic year. Thursday? It's all too soon.

Yes, I am up at 8 on my first morning. I expect to do things, okay? A whole new world just opened.

So long, JP's out and about.

It's missing something

I realized that my blogs have no substance. It's all just random and listful of tedious and spontaneous activities. So here's an attempt for a more fattened post:

I'm tuning back into shows that I used to faithfully watch: Grey's Anatomy, Brothers and Sisters. I've lost interest in these, but watching the first episodes of the new season, I think I'm hooked again. Everybody needs something to sometimes be distracted with, hopefully, this doesn't turn into a vice. Bear attack! Spilling intestines! I wonder if I can make it into the medical feild. If I can handle the stress. If I'm determined to succeed in coollege, get into medical school and pursue on with this dream. People often tell you that you have the control of your future, but it's just scary sometimes. I need to completely trust in the God's sovereignty. At the moment, I'm set in pursuing Sports Medicine/Orthopedic, but not so much of a surgeon. Physical therapy, maybe? I've also gone beyond myself and searched for grad schools? Hawaii, sounds exciting?

That went from discussing shows into random future plans. I can never stay on topic. Alright, back to online watching...and maybe packing?

So much for an attempt,
JP

This is how we do it: LOVE

To display how much I am going to miss the city, I wore my I <3 SF. I wanted the heart to be blue, but I settled for a red one for convenience.

I have 4 days left. I guess you can say I'm halfway packed. Seriously, I thought packing would be a lot easier and quicker for me, but it turns out, I'm spending so much time digging and rumaging through all my things. Man, I accumulated so much "treasures/junk" over the years.

Aside from packing, another issue I have to deal with is goodbyes. I'm hanging around with people everyday now; the usual- eating! Chevys, Ichiraku, Shabu Shabu (AMAZINNNG!), Genki, Nations. I know... we love to eat. That's all we do, seriously.

Also, we've been going around the city! Twin Peaks at night, Northbeach, the 'Full House' houses, Chinatown, Wharf. Pictures coming, waiting for Vicky to send them!

And yes, this is how we do it. We don't go wild and crazy just to have fun. A little company is all you need...and food!

Onto the next Happy Hour,
JP.

Unemployment

I am now unemployed. Today (or, rather, yesterday) was my last day at the Creamery. One heck of a first job: Coldstone. In the span of six months, I've moved up the ladder from a crew to shift leader in no time, earned a whopping $4,000, exhausted my body working into the wee hours of the night, dealt with people who seem to always create/have issues with their coworkers, and... met awesome people. Sad to say, I will miss slaving my hours mixing on the slab. 

The last day appeared anti-climatic. Vicky and I just went on with the usual: served customers, refilled and refilled, made the store sparkle, ordered take out, and most importantly, goofed around. We had our lasts: waffle-making, cake writing, cake molding... sampling! We closed the store using my key (which I no longer possess), took pictures and left with our cards from Jessica. No crying, no laughing, no nothing. 

...7 more days left, tedious packing and unavoidable goodbyes await. 

When it hasn't been your day, your week, your month or even your year-eat ice cream!

-JP.

Late night randonmess

I really like this song I've heard from the store: "Let 'em in" by Paul McCartney. It's catchy. 

I'm down to my last week. I'm frantically looking for company and promising people the time during my last week. Seriously, I don't think I can leave yet. I'm not done with my goodbyes, nor have I started. 

Off to a totally unrelated topic, here are some random things about me you might know or are clueless about: 

1. I'm short. I wish to be taller. I am currently 5'3, but I hope to at least reach 5'5. My pediatrician doubts it will happen. 

2. I never had a relationship. I never tried to get into one, but now, I'm open and ready. 

3. I have to shower and brush my teeth before I leave the house. so, if you want to hang out, call ahead of time to give me time to get ready. 

4. I want to learn a lot of things: surf, boogie board, rock climb?, fish, kayak, and the likes. 

5. I want to head into the orthopedics, but I don't think I'm cut out enough to be a surgeon. 

6. I like tropical fruits. They're orgasmic, I kid. 

7. I always wanted to dance, but I'm to embarrassed to take classes now. 

8. Yes, I played the xylophone. Yes, I was good at it. No, I can't play it anymore. 

Enough randomness, but do let 'em in,

JP

TeaPOOHt

So, these are the moments I will miss. It's days like this I hope to never lose/have with new sets of friends:

Early morning swim, conditioning(not so much), amazing Italian food at Capps, Candy store, fudge samples, 2 hour talks over gelato, a stroll at night, getting scared at Chinatown, laughing all the way home. 

I've been out and about the past 4 days: Movie at the park, Chocolate festival, Wharf, Happy Hour Chevy's, Northbeach with Kels, D & Vicky!

To never ending bonding, 

JP

The Good Life

Currently listening: "Lesson Learned" by Alicia Keys, "Now" by MYMP

Man, Alicia Keys is amazing. She makes me tear up. Undeniably, she has the best voice and her songs have meaning.

 

I've noticed that I've been relating to a lot music I'v been hearing. Not the ones playing on the radio, but those I've hand-picked on my playlist.

Song changed. MYMP! Make Yo Momma Proud, to me, epitome of Pinoy acoustic. 

Post is pointless, just needing to update/say something. 

Oh, I got my macbook two days ago, broke it, and got a new one! Go warranty! I left the installation cd in the reader and it got stuck and kept reading it. The guy from "Genius Bar" didn't bother to ask what happened and gave me a brand new one!

Weekly sched:

Monday: Conditioning, Chevy's with Connie, Denise, Vicky

Tuesday: Y to swim with Jen, Conditioning

Wed: Downtown and Coffee with Jen, Work

Thursday: Work

Friday: Last day of work! 

Between those days, PACK, PACK and PACK!

My City by the Bay

I don't know my city, or I've yet to discover its many treasures. Sure, I call San Francisco my home, but I still need to tour myself around and fall in love with it even more. I feel the need to be a tourist one day and just go around. In spite of my lack of familiarity/experience to famous spots, I have developed my own personal connection with the city. San Francisco is my sanctuary. Soon, I will be leaving my heart in San Francisco and hopefully pick it back up during my breaks!


I bought an SF sweater today. I really like it. Oh, and midnight blue is my new favorite color, not red-orange.

Ironically, I technically live in DC, but who gives.

Til we meet again, goodnight.
-JP

Through the Fire

I'm seriously disgusted on how I've lost interest/fire for the things that matter: God, reading, etc. I no longer read books outside of those required for classes, I'm not aware of issues and concerns such as the environment, the presidential election... I've become materialistic and care too much about my appearance, how I present myself and whatnot. I'm sick of it. I need to learn to put myself back on track, on the right one. 

To kick it off, I've been going to Starbucks these past 3 days to read a book. Sadly, I spend most of  my time on my iPhone. 

Today was productive, to the least. 

Coldstone Awards, bagged outstanding Shift Leader plaque. Cheesecake Factory with shiftleaders, thanks Fallon! Tested the newbies, looks like most of them have to retake. Got my macbook with wireless printer and ipodnano (rebate!). Dinner and Movies at the park with the peeps.

I'm going to miss my job. I'm going to miss San Francisco. It all becomes reality in two weeks. 

Oh, I need to buy beddings. Most stores are out of TwinXL.

Sno Kones for Phelps

Today, I met Phelps. Yes, the Micheal Phelps. Jen, Vicky, Andrew and I served snow cones, but basically, went around the fair trying to find Phelps. Vicky and Andrew were going crazzzy. We have stalker pictures of him and of us with him! Woohoo! The best part... I earned 120 dollars doing nothing!
...afterward, I went to work and it sucked.

Save Me

I'm currently enjoying this song from this artist on myspace, but I found him through a short on youtube. The song is called "Save Me" by Josh Verdes. I guess I can say that acoustic music/acoustic covers is my favorite genre of music. Hopeless romantic? Maybe. It's soothing, it hits the heart.

I'm over this summer. I've exhausted myself doing so much, doing so little, doing the most random things. I've earned enough money from work for "pocket money" during my first year in college. I've hung around my friends quite a bit: movies in the park, endless lunches & dinners & desserts, Olympics viewing, road trips, team trips, beach days, the list goes on. I've taken advantage of the 75-day gym membership and the conditioning days. I've bored myself to death at home watching the tube all day long. But somehow, the summer doesn't feel complete.

I seriously need to train myself to sleep early. I waste all night on the computer and watching tv until 4 am. This sucks. Especially in cases, like tomorrow, when I have plans that begin 7 in the morning and end 11 at night. Is this how college is going to be? It sounds enticing, but I might be just over it.

"Save me
I feel like I’m goin’ crazy
I’ve got this lady
She’s got me on my knees
I’m saying baby baby please
Don’t leave tonight without giving me
Some of your lovin’ it makes me weak
Somebody save me."

We have the Make-a-Wish promotion at work, and I posted up my wish. I've been vocal about it, so please...come true!

You can call me JP.

I'm starting to realize that I'm growing up. I still can't be classified as an adult, but in a sense, I am one. I'm learning...life down to its last strand. I'm learning to take risks, make mistakes, figure out who I am.

In about two weeks, I will be put to the test. A necessary one, that is. I'm heading out to college, away from my family whom I have depended on my entire life, away from friends who I have accustomed myself with. I begin with a clean slate. Hello, my name is John, but you call me JP.

This is my transition, boring and vague as it might get, but its my story.

I have encountered this quote saved onto my computer from some excerpt: "to love God is the indispensable requirement." It's so inspiring, so simple, but I'm always getting stuck.